19th bday party was pretty good. i just need someone to talk to at the moment . so

im typing this ..i think im still under a bit of alcohol influence . but yea.

alot on my mind , alot alot alot alot alot alot alot alot alot alot

on my damn mind .

brb gotta pee yeh .

ahahha

back.

yeh

so

yesterday,

i had a blast.

at first i stressed. ran around about 4-5 times in the morning buying food, equipment for bbq! but after a while i was having fun drinking etc.
LOL. was so funny. people were drunk. only sober ppl were lindah and nga.. and some ppl that left early .. like Thai, Jane, long, will and cat . and david. hehehe. they probs thought we was crazy. AHHA

yeh ..

im such an idiot. got so much debts.

=[

had a fight with minh last night too .

i blame myself . but i seriously didnt like and hated how minh left and swore at me. it was seriously unnecessary. i think he was under the influence of alcohol too - i hope he was influenced by it. because then he'd have a reaosn to be aggro and swear at me. other than that i dont think itd be neccessary to swear at me and leave. i really didnt like it how he was swearing about me to his brother too. it was quite humiliating. he always yells to an extent that his family hears. even in his room. im at the verge, of never talking to him again. its just too complicated.
he's hot headed, im sensitive. and we're both stubborn.
i know that he was just having fun . straight up , i loved how happy he looked. but i felt really really ashamed of myself when ppl were telling me he was flirting with my friends, because i got told them about 20 times during the night. i couldnt defend minh from all of them. and i just felt really angry , stupppid. it was stupid of them to point it out , otherwise i wouldnt give a fuck. but they told me this about 20 times, did they want me to do something bout it ?

i hate it i hate it i hate it how he said it was my fault for THINKING that he was flirting, not my friends fault. yeh . ok. i never accused him of it. i just said i was embarrassed and uneasy because ppl were saying shit to me.

and what pisses me off. is that . he tells his siblings shit bout me like 'tanya's an idiot. " or swear at me infront of his bro. its humiliating. what if i swore at minh infront of natalie or my friends. how would he feel? u know, the reason why im tpying this is because he wont even listen.

i have alot on my mind.

alot ..

im not gonna talk to him for a while.. i hate how he treats me during arguments ...

abit out of control dont u think?

i really .. really really... really. hate myself sometimes .

sometimes, when he yells at me. it feels like im not good enough . . maybe im not good enough.

why doesnt he go find someone better .does he like yelling at me? everything i do is wrong.

all we do is fight ..