crashing down

Dear Life,
I am finally crashing down. Yes , all my fake smiles and things like that has finally came crashing down.
I am about to break the ice.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
It was my first appointment with my psychologist today, finally. Her name is Jenny. It was intimate when I walked through that door...
I didn't exactly know why I was there when she asked me "whats wrong"....
I just felt like bursting into tears.
I told her "everything..."
and yeah....
eventually the conversation lead to one thing to another..
I won't discuss what we talked about .. because I don't know where to start..
but she called me later on the day and told me I might have to take antidepressants to help me..
I feel really pathetic.
Whats wrong with me ?
One minute I'm happy, the next I hate myself ..
when im alone, i just think of stupid things... I don't wanna feel this way anymore....
I don't know what I'm doing..
Dear Life, can you be a bit less harsh to me ?
Dear Life, why can't I control you?
Dear Life, I hate Me.