big girls dont cry

dear diary,
a few days ago, i promised myself that the person i will only depend on is myself, and i will not let other people around me feel sad. josephs in hospital. and when he heard i was upset, he was upset too... i felt really guilty for being sad...im sorry joseph... so ive decided i wont the ppl suffer just because i am sad.... the only thing i feel right to do.. is to talk to this blog, because... i dont wanna be a burden to anyone else................................................................... and my blog is my personal space.. its where..i talk to me..myself.
suddenly, all my hate has flown away.. i dont wanna hate ppl anymore.....
i dont hate Quoc.. when i look back, i realise he was really there for me although he made mistakes....and hes still here for me..even tho i stopped talking to him for 3 years..
infact, i dont hate any of my exs. i dont hate any girls at school. i dont hate my family, anymore.
even know i may hurt myself, seeing the person you love happy.. is the greatest thing ever..............
im glad Quoc is happy now....
im glad my exes are all happy too,
i mean..who would wanna be with someone like me right?
when i look back, i see a girl who i dont like....
do you think ppl can change?

today i had a DNM convo with my teachr..
he told me that.. he had once cheated with his partner before, but he wouldnt now.
i was shocked.. because he didnt seem like the type to cheat... but
i do believe ppl can change.
i think that i should not depend on other ppl for happiness anymore...
why depend on other ppl, if u have urself right? ....


some nights..when i feel lonely,i hug my monkey bear Kapo.... he makes me happy...
but its okay. i will be okay.
i can do this.
i dont wanna be weak, i know im a girl and im supposed to be looked after... but now i wanna turn the table.. and i wanna look after everyone else around me.. so dont worry bout me.
if i cry, pretend you see no tears..
if i scream, pretend you cant hear me.