At the point of No return.

since its my fucking personal blog, i can say what i want. and do what i want here right? .
cos its supposed to be my fucking personal space.
so no surprises here.
once again, i am drowning in tears. because I'm at this crazy intersection where i don't know where I should turn.
My head is full of emotions at the moment.
theres so many unanswered questions i wanna know.
"Does he still love me?" or "Do I still love him..."
"Am i making the right decision?"
"should I just find someone else?"
"does he love someone else?"
"is this enough? is this the end?"
" Am I ready for this?"
"why is it so hard?"
"why the fuck !!!?!!'
" why is my mum a whore?"
"why doesnt she just go fucking marry someone else or leave the house already?"
"why does my dad have to have cancer..why does he continue to smoke?"
"why does my sister smoke?"
"why is life so fucking cruel to people?"
"why should i try?"
"Why should i care?"
"why do i bother?"
"how do i make it all better. how do i let go of something that's already gone?'
maybe i should just go America next year like my aunties n uncles want me to. FUCK LIFE HERE ATM.
it's like..it's like holding onto a rope.it's like...hanging on a cliff.....barely surviving.... that's how i feel emotionally. i wish i was just a bit happier.. just a bit happier Inside than I actually sound or look on the outside..
i may seem like a complex person to understand, but if you're patient you'd somehow reach out to me and understand me.